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Wednesday, 7 July 2004
More bitching
Mood:
 irritated
5 DAYS 'TIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!
Posted by bandvamp01
at 4:25 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 9 July 2004 6:07 PM EDT
Tuesday, 6 July 2004
6 MORE DAYS 'TIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!
Mood:
irritated
Yay! Just 6 more days 'til I turn 21! I'm excited. I'm going to eat junk food all day. And i may or may not go get a pedicure and manicure. I have issues about people touching my feet. Or even getting anywhere near my bare feet, for that matter. But i dunno...
I heard that next friday night, there's Flux Faktor at the Armory, so if anyone wants to go, we could go in a group or something. Unless Patrick finds a Drag Night at a gay bar, 'cuz then I am so there. I think the Masquerade has something on Saturday nights (to replace The Chamber), so I may look into that, too. Unless there's a Drag Night on Saturday. (I am GOING to a Drag Night before I die...)
Also, my cartilege piercing got all sad and gross and painful again, and I was afraid I'd have to take it out. But then I made it get better! All by myself!! I love Bactine!
I saw Patrick's band, The Love Drunks, on Friday night! They were really good. Patrick danced around a lot, and hit himself with the microphone. SO, in conclusion, everyone should go see Patrick's band next time they play.
Posted by bandvamp01
at 3:52 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 9 July 2004 6:06 PM EDT
Friday, 2 July 2004
TONIGHT!!
Mood:
 hug me
Now Playing: Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can...
WHO: Patrick's band, The Love Drunks
WHAT: CONCERT!!
WHERE: Burrito Jones (in the square), Carrollton, GA
WHEN: TONIGHT 9 PM
WHY: Umm... because I said so?
EVERYONE COME OUT TO CARROLLTON TONIGHT AND SEE PATRICK'S BAND!!
Seriously, I'll be there, and it'll be fun!
Also, I got to ride in a tow-truck yesterday! COME OUT TO CARROLLTON!! I COMMAND IT!!!
Posted by bandvamp01
at 9:18 AM EDT
Monday, 28 June 2004
2 WEEKS 'TIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!
Mood:
 don't ask
Exactly 2 weeks 'til my 21st birthday!! YAY! I'll be able to drink! Um, legally! I am going to go out and order the girliest drinks I can! The ones with chocolate syrup, and umbrellas, and plastic monkeys hanging off the side, and the glittery swizzle sticks! All in one drink! Yeah yeah! And I have the day off from work! I'm gonna eat McDonald's for breakfast, and get a pedicure and a maincure, and go shopping! ... No, I'm really going to sleep all day. Yeah. I'm lazy.
On another note, I am trying to cut down on caffeine. I've become too tolerant- I get a caffinated beverage at Caribou now and like 20 minutes later I'm falling asleep. That's no good. NO GOOD! ... ... Wait, I forgot where I was going with this. I need caffeine... Oh yeah, so I'm trying to only drink one cup of coffee on monday and one on friday. Before, I was drinking like 2 cups a day. So I guess it's better now. ... I have no idea what I'm saying, I really need some coffee...*yawn*
Anyway, 2 weeks 'til my birthday!! HOORAY!!!
Posted by bandvamp01
at 9:31 AM EDT
Thursday, 24 June 2004
Lots of words, many being about cake at the office...
Mood:
 lazy
Story 1: The Cake
I answer phones all day at work- that's pretty much all I do all day long. Occasionally, the office manager makes me send out an email to everyone in the office about some mundane thing or another. When the office manager says "Hey Gail, send out an email," I take it to mean "Hey Gail, feel free to be a smartass." I try to administer a low dose of smartassery with every email. So today, we're having cake for someone's birthday, and I send out the following email:
Good afternoon everyone,
For the June birthdays, cake will be served at approximately 2:30 this afternoon. No, I don't know what kind of cake it is. No, I cannot let you peek at the cakes. No, you cannot try to smell the cake (I already tried, and I can't tell what kind they are, either). Since I had to put the cakes in the fridge, I had to rearrange some of the fridge's contents. However, I carefully rearranged all bags and contents so that no one would have to move the cakes in order to reach his or her own scrumptious lunch. So now there is no possible reason for you to be touching the cake boxes. If I should catch anyone manhandling the cake boxes, I get to eat your piece of cake. You may now return to your regularly scheduled insurance activities. Thank you.
~Your Friendly Neighborhood Cake Nazi Receptionist
30 seconds after I send this to everyone, I get 5 replies- 2 telling me I should be a writer, 2 telling me I'm hilarious and how hard they laughed, and one telling me he'd already messed with the cake, har har. I go take my lunch, and as I'm sitting there, every person who walks by either stops to tell me how funny my email was, or just says "Cake Nazi!! BWAHAHHAHA!!" Oooookay.
AND OH MY GOD I JUST GOT HUGGED. I wandered into the room where people were setting out the cakes and plates, and I was accosted by a very large woman who bear-hugged me, covered my face with her hands and hollered "No! Don't look at the cake!" I mean, I knew she was being funny, but I must say that it is still a weee bit uncomfortable being hugged by someone I work with...
Story 2: Wretched guy I work with
Ok, let me tell you a story about this jerk (let's call him Mr. Asshat) I work with. He is 45 years old, balding, and squirrely-lookin'. He reminds me of a weasel- he's always looking for a way to take advantage of people and be all...weasely. Also, he's a control freak, and has a stick shoved so far up his ass, you can see the other end of it when he talks. He has a wife and 2 kids whom he is always being mean to and swearing at (I know this because he tells stories about it). And he just spent $45,000 on a brand new porsche. Class, can we say Middle Age Crisis?
Anyway, he talks way too much. I'm serious- he'll corner someone and bitch for an hour and a half about things like his dinner at X Restaurant last night and how the service was horrible (to him, it's ALWAYS horrible). He really likes to bitch and moan. I *wonder* how he gets any work done at all. So he corners our boss and office manager for 45 minutes about someone being parked in his space in the parking garage. 45 minutes about a goddamn parking space! It's like dude, the rest of us don't have parking spots- suck it up and park on the next floor down, you pompous asshole! So he spent 45 minutes trying to talk our boss into doing the following...
Mr. Asshat's Grand Scheme:
Buy a boot (one of those things you lock to someone's tire so they can't drive) on ebay.
When someone is in his parking spot, he goes down and attaches the boot to Parking-Space-Taker's tire.
When Parking-Space-Taker comes back, Asshat tells them he will remove the boot for $100.
He then believes Parking-Space-Taker will just hand over a hundred bones and NOT CALL THE FUCKING COPS.
I shit you not. He really tried to talk the boss into doing this. And the thing that annoys me the most is that this has only happened like 2 or 3 times. It's NOT like someone steals his spot on a regular basis. I really hate this guy. If I were the boss I'd say "Aww, somebody took your spot? You wanna bitch about it, huh? Huh? Well, guess what- NO SPOT FOR YOU. I'm going to give that parking space to our fine receptionist." Goddamn pompous Asshat. And he's rubbing his hands together and practically salivating and saying "Yeah, yeah- this is a good way to make some money! Yeah, a little pocket change on the side, teach people not to park in my spot, Yeahhh." I really really hate this guy.
Anyway, that's all. This has been a really really long-ass week.
Anybody wanna hang this weekend?? I'm up for pretty much anything (so long as my shmoogie-oogums can come along)
Posted by bandvamp01
at 4:07 PM EDT
Friday, 4 June 2004
I am wearing a red plastic lei...
Today is Hawaiian Shirt Day at work. Yep, if you work in my office, you get the priviledge of wearing a tacky Hawaiian shirt alllll day long.
What butthead came up with that idea?
Hawaiian shirts are the ugliest things EVER (excluding mumus). I would not be caught dead in a damn Hawaiian shirt. However, Elizabeth (works on the OTHER SIDE of the office from me) decided that I needed to be Hawaiianized, so she dug up some old red plastic lei. And she made me wear it. And I have to keep it on for the rest of the day.
It's itchy. It's plastic. It's bright freakin' red.
Goddamn I hate Hawaiian Shirt Day...
Posted by bandvamp01
at 2:43 PM EDT
Thursday, 27 May 2004
Christmas in May...
This nice lady I work with gave me a christmas bracelet this morning. It's got silver doo-dads and little charms on it. At first I thought it was ugly, but then I was all "Hey, I could wear this at Christmas!" and then I thought "Why wait 'til Christmas? I'mma wear it now!" So I'm wearing a Christmas bracelet. It's jangley. I'm going to see if anyone notices...
I'm drinking coffee. Well, i call it coffee, but it's really more like coffe-flavored sugar-milk. It's diabetes in a styrofoam cup! And it's damn good. I have to cut back on it, tho. So now I'm down to one cup a day (10:00 am), and on Fridays I have one cup at 10am, and one before I leave at 4:30 to give me a little boost so I won't be falling asleep at midnight. Nuts to that.
I transplanted Bitey (the office poinsettia) to a larger plant pot the other day. He seems to like his new place. A girl at work wanted to name him Pablo because of the legend of the poinsettia (go look it up, ya lazy ass). I'll be damned if I'm going to call my friend Bitey "Pablo"-- he doesn't even like the name! And it totally does not suit him.
Grrrr- damn pop-ups! I d/l the google pop-up blocker and I'm STILL getting pop-ups! Today has been an aggrivating morning. I got a virus warning (I wasn't even doing anything on the computer! just some pop-ups popped up!), the pop-ups KEEP coming, my glasses are speckley (hairspray?? i have no idea), and my coffee cup just sprung a leak (a tiny one that i covered with tape)... arrrrrrgh. Thank GAWD I have tomorrow off!!
Ok, that's all for now. *poke*
Posted by bandvamp01
at 10:43 AM EDT
Wednesday, 26 May 2004
Wal-mart Porn
DON'T BUY PORN FROM THE WAL-MART $5 DVD BIN! I'm pissed- I bought this movie "Net Games" from the bin (I only bought it because it had C. THomas Howell in it), and from the description on the back, I gather that it's supposed to be a thriller. But it's a porno. Seriously. Anyway, I figured hey! me and Nathan can watch this since his cable's out! So I bring it over and start playing it and... the goddamn thing freezes up EVERY 20 SECONDS!!! I was PISSED!! The FIRST porno I ever buy and it's MESSED UP!! WTF, DAMN YOU WAL-MART FOR RUINING MY PORNO!!!! So anyway, it turns out it plays fine on Nathan's laptop, but how gay is that watching a porno on a laptop?! ((it's funny because i know some of you all do it)) So I'm going to see if it works on my dvd player at home and if it doesn't, I'm going to take that damn thing back and tell them they ruined my porno! MY VERY FIRST PORNO MOVIE!!
Damn, I think this morning has been "Be Pissy to Gail the Receptionist Day." First, someone took all my damn pens and sticky notes. I HATE when people take the stuff on my desk! True, it's not "mine" because technically it belongs to the company, but I don't go take shit offa THEIR damn desks!! Every fucking morning I have to go to the fucking supply closet and get more fucking office stuff! Grrr!!
Then that snorting lady (see one of the previous posts) yelled at me for something that was HER fault. She was all snotty like "WHY are you putting this submission in the computer like this?" And I was all "You TOLD me to put that in the computer like that like a month ago" and she was like "Oh... well, we changed it. You need to put this new info in the computer, I thought you knew." and I was all "No one told me" ((me being the one who PUTS these goddamned submissions in the computer, so you'd think they'd TELL ME when shit changes)) And then she came back later and was like "I'm sorry. I thought this info was in the computer, but it's not. We're waiting on some other person to fix it." Grrrr, I hate when people get pissy with me when I have NOTHING to do with what they're bitching about.
Then this guy calls, and sounds like he's reading from a notecard in some weird accent. I couldn't tell what the fuck he was saying and he kept repeating the same three lines over and over. So finally I caught the words "meter machine" and I go "Ohh, do you mean the mail? I don't handle the mail" so then he goes "Hello-oo?" real snarky-like. And I go "Yes, hello?" and he repeats himself again! I really think it was one of those out-sourcing things where the people you're talking to are in India and companies teach them how to speak English and then they make phone calls because that's cheaper than paying people in America(and for those of you who think I'm full of it, we talked about it in my SOCI class and there was even an article in the newspaper about it awhile back). So FINALLY I caught the words "copy machine" and I transferred him. But the dude seemed all pissed because I didn't know what he was saying, and I was thinking "DUDE! I didn't call you up and BUTCHER YOUR LANGUAGE and then get all pissed off about it!" **segue time**
Now, I'm not one of *those* people who is like "Well, if you don't want to learn our language, then you can just GIT OUT!" I don't care if you're speaking fucking Swahili, just don't get pissy when I don't understand your accent! Ohhh my god, the WORST ever was this lady who used to work at Wal-Mart (when I worked at the snax-bar there). I have no idea where she was from, but she didn't speak very good English, so I was forever asking her to repeat herself. You wanna know what she sounded like? Picture the Chicken Lady (from Kids in the Hall) doing an impression of Jar Jar Binks saying "EEE undt coop ee un yava OoOOoOoo Coooke," and that's pretty damn close to what she sounded like. The Chicken Lady doing an impression of Jar Jar Binks. Great. And I would say like "I'm sorry, what?" So she would SIGH really loudly and irritated-ly and then squawk in her Chicken-Lady-Jar-Jar voice "OoOOn Cooooke! COOOOoooOooOke! Unda yava EEso COOOOOP fee-yorr COOOOkE!" and waving her arms around. So I was like "Ohh, a CUP for your COKE. Here you go." and then she would start squawking again and finally point to the damn cash register. The first time she did that, I figured out she was trying to pay me. So I rung it up and told her the total, so she holds out a handful of change to me. And she starts going "Owww Mawwwch?" and I tell her. But she just kept pointing to her handful of change and pissy-sighing and squawking "MAWCH. OWW?" So FINALLY I figure out that SHE wants ME to pick the correct change out of her handful!! Screw that noise. So finally I just said, "Just fucking take it." ((I figured if she didn't know any other english, she probably wouldn't know that "fucking" was a bad word)) Way to waist 10 minutes of your break there, lady. God I hated her. *end of rant*
*Sigh* Oh well, at least I met some NICE psychos when I worked there...
So to sum up today's lesson: Wal-Mart $5 porn sucks, people steal things from my desk, and most people who work at Wal-Mart are psychos.
Posted by bandvamp01
at 10:42 AM EDT
Thursday, 20 May 2004
Misc. misc. and more misc...
I don't have any really big stories to tell, so I'll just give some random updates...
First thing on the agenda, I made Nathan watch "Wing Commander" the other night. I didn't understand one bit of it- I just watched it because Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Matthew Lillard were in it. I thought I didn't understand it because we missed the first 20 minutes, but Chris told me it didn't make a difference. Bue hey! It was on the SciFi channel-- I thought the SciFi channel only played *good* movies... (hahahahaha, no).
Next item of business, we need people to dress up as Rocky Horror Picture Show characters for Halloween with me. I am going as Columbia. Brandon said he'd go as Rocky, but I have a feeling he's not going to be real keen on running around in just gold undies all night ((also, Rocky is blonde)). We still need Brad, Janet, Dr. Scott, Eddie... well hell, I'm not gonna name all the characters- you all SHOULD know them (there'll be a test later, bitches!).
Third, for some weird reason, adults think I'm funny. Seriously, I've had like 5 people at work today tell me I have a great sense of humor. And I thought it was just the weirdos I work with, but I've had tachers and even my mom's friends say I'm funny. But people my own age don't think I'm funny. Hell, I don't think I'm funny. Well, sometimes I do, but that's only when I yell "PINEAPPLE!" at inappropriate times. Or when I make little baby dino noises; that makes me laugh. Maybe adults are just freaking weirdos. Screw the whole lot of 'em- I'm gonna act like a 10-year-old forever and NEVER grow up! Yaaaaay weeee!!
Ohh my god- guess what just happened. This nice lady I work with just came into the lobby, used the phone, and started crying a little. Then she walked out into the hallway. Then she came back in and stood in the corner of the lobby and she looked like she was really really trying to force back the tears. Then she walked away. Ohhhh man was that uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do-- should I ask if she's ok? Do I hand her a box of tissues? Or should I just pretend like I don't notice her crying so she won't be embarrassed?? That's what I did. Now I feel bad. I hate when people cry around me-- my first impulse is to give them a big hug and then my second impulse is to cry with them because i can't STAND when people cry. But then some people don't want to be hugged. And I never can tell who wants to be hugged and who doesn't. But I'm not going to hug someone I work with- that's just weird. But now I feel really really bad for not doing anything at all- like I feel like a big uncaring jerk for not wanting to embarrass her or make a scene of it. Oh man. Where's Dear Abby when you need her!!
Anyway, on to the final order of business. I watched the series finale of Angel last night. I cried when Wesley died. It was really sad. But I didn't bawl; I only cried a little bit. I've only really bawled because of a tv show like three times. ((Once when Buffy had to kill Angel to close the Hell Mouth, once when Goku died and didn't want to come back to life, and then the episode of Pokemon where Ash has to set caterpie free... and if any ONE of you laughs, I will KICK YOUR ASS.))
Ok, that is all. I'm bored.
Posted by bandvamp01
at 2:20 PM EDT
Wednesday, 12 May 2004
Zombie Clowns are not scary...
I am afraid of
clowns. Pennywise is WHY I'm afraid clowns. (I couldn't be anywhere near balloons for like a month after seeing IT, either) I am also afraid of
zombies. When I saw Dawn of the Dead (2004), I was totally convinced there were zombies hiding behind EVERYTHING (same thing happened after I saw Resident Evil, too). Zombie clowns, however, are not scary. I think a zombie clown would be pretty dumb-lookin, actually. In fact, if I ever saw a zombie clown I'd be all "Hey, stupid! Yeah, I'm talking to you, you stupid ugly zombie clown! Yousa BITCH, zombie clown! Nyah nyah nyah!" ((Actually, if I ever saw a zombie clown in real life, I'd probably run. But I would SO be yelling that over my shoulder at him!))
I have "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones stuck in my head.
Posted by bandvamp01
at 3:21 PM EDT
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