Friday, 20 August 2004

Sometimes I really hate answering the phone..
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: something loud and pissed-off sounding
UUURRRGHH! I dealt with THE biggest asshole on the planet today. This nasty old bastard calls about 45 minutes before I'm supposed to go home and enjoy my final weekend before school starts.

Ok, little background: I'm a receptionist at an insurance company. I don't do anything actually insurance-related; I just answer phones and enter stuff into the computer. So, when someone has a question that I can't answer, I transfer them to one of the Office Managers. However, ALL managers (from all 10 departments) are out today for an off-site meeting, except for ONE lady covering the Manager position. So basically, I'm fending for myself.

Also, I'd like to mention that I am ALWAYS polite on the phone, and I ALWAYS try to help people as much as I can, so usually if there are any jerks, they stop their asshattery when they hear how nice I am. Well, USUALLY, anyways...

Some guy calls and wants to know about producers (which I have no control over/know nothing about). So I transfer him to the lady who's covering for the managers. Turns out, she's left for the day. So the guy calls back once (but I can't answer it because I was in the middle of a call), and on his 2nd call back, I answer. Hilarity ensues...

Me: The Cutest Receptionist Ever
AH: Ass Hat (talking in THE snottiest voice I've ever heard from a male)

Me: (chipper voice) "Thank you for calling ******, how may I help you?"
AH: "Hi, I called a minute ago about Producers, but I got a voice mail."
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry sir, I thought there was-"
AH: "I called three times in the past three minutes!" ((Right then my brain goes uh-oh, asshat alert! "I need to talk to someone. Not a voice mail, a PERSON."
Me: "Well, sir, all of our managers are out today, including the one who is-"
AH: "No, I need to talk to SOMEONE. Can you stay on the phone with me to make sure I don't get a VOICE MAIL when you transfer me?"
Me: "No I'm sorry, I can't, I don't think our phones allow us to do that."
AH: "Well, I need to talk to SOMEONE. Who is there today?"
Me: "Which department-"
AH: "How many people you got in your office?"
Me: "Close to fifty."
AH: "Well, who is THERE? Are you the only one there? Who's is THERE besides YOU?"
Me: "Sir, there are nearly 50 people in this office. I cannot go through the list and tell who is and is not here."
AH: "Are you the ONLY one THERE?"
Me: "No, there are many people in today." ((in my best you're-an-idiot tone of voice)) *Plus, it's 3:45 on a FRIDAY AFTERNOON- who the hell do you THINK is going to be here?? News flash, idiot: Managers go home early BECAUSE THEY CAN*
AH: "FINE. Well then, if there was a FIRE or a STABBING, who would you call?"
Me: "I would call building security or 911."
AH: *pause* "Alright, well after that, who would you call??"
*WTF? If there was a fire or a stabbing, why would I be calling people on the phone? I'd be evacuating the building and screaming to warn other people*
ME: *silence at this man's stupidity*
AH: "Look, I am trying to talk to a person, is that so hard??"
ME: "SIR, all of our managers are out of the office today at a meeting. Now what you can do is--"
AH: "I need to talk to-!"
Me: (In a really slow, firm voice) "WHAT YOU CAN DO is leave a message for Bob S. and I know he will get back to you first thing Monday morning."
AH: "I do NOT conduct business with voice mail."
Me: (In a really fake cheery voice) "Well, sir, then I'm afraid I can't help you."
AH: *pause* "I need to talk to somebody. Isn't there anyone there who wants my business? I'm trying to give you all business."
*Yeah, like we really want your business, you crotchety old man. We reeeeally wanna deal with you on a regular basis, you decomposing old bastard*
Me: "Sir, all the people who would handle that are OUT of the office today. You can leave a message, or you can call back first thing Monday morning."
AH: "Well, isn't there ANYONE-"
Me: (snotty tone of voice) "Let me put you on hold."

Right then, Jason (one of the BEST co-workers EVER) walks by. I told him there was a real asshole on the phone, and could he please talk to him? So Jason told me to put him on hold for a few minutes while he finished something up.
Jason comes back, and talks to the guy for 5 more minutes, tells him the SAME thing that I told him and finally figures out that the department the wrinkly old prune wants isn't even IN our office. So finally the old fart said he'd call our New York office and hung up. Jason slammed the phone down and says "That was the most ARROGANT asshole I have EVER talked to! Geez Gail, I'm sorry you had to talk to that jerk."

I was furious. I'm not kidding--I was shaking, my heart was pounding in my ears, and my face and neck were BRIGHT red. Now, DAMN that is some ANGER. In TWO YEARS of working at the office, I have NEVER had to deal with a caller as nasty as that one. If I could have reached through the phone and strangled that prick, I would have in a heartbeat. Jason was like "Wow, are you ok? You're all red! Do you need a break??" I was ok, but I was just so MAD that an ADULT would act like such a child! I'm probably 1/3 his age, and even I know how to behave properly on the telephone.

But some good DID come of this--I have a semi-interesting story to tell, we have a new Worst Caller Ever (even worse than that lady who was asking for a department that didn't exist!), and I know now that when I get really incredibly pissed off, I remain calm and deal with the situation (as opposed to screaming obscenities and throwing things.. which is what I do when someone wakes me up from a deep sleep). Oh well, let's all hope that's NOT a bad omen for the coming weekend...

Posted by bandvamp01 at 7:46 PM EDT

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